Stuck in the middle with you: How parents and children can get through the ‘tween’ years

Pre-teens begin to see the good and bad in people — the ones they’re friends with can be fun, but also mean and nasty. Picture: iStock Not long ago, she got invited to Paw Patrol-themed birthday parties. Now, your 11-year-old is receiving invitations to pamper parties with beauty treatments. Only a few years ago she watched Shaun the Sheep — now she’s making TikTok videos.

The tween stage can catch parents off guard. And it can be equally disorientating for children — that nine to 12-year-old cohort who are on a bridge between young childhood and the teens. It’s a steep trajectory and child psychotherapist Colman Noctor says children can be at different stages of it. “Some will enter it much quicker. They’ll be racing towards the teens, while others will cling to childhood — hold onto the Lego, the stuff they enjoy that’s no longer deemed cool by the others.”

Noctor says as children approach the teens, they can struggle to come to terms with the unpredictability of people. “In primary school, friendship is very territorial — ‘you’re my best friend, I’m yours’ — it’s very contractual. Pre-teens begin to see the good and bad in people — the ones they’re friends with can be fun, but also mean and nasty. They see another side of people and their social world becomes more complex.”

They’re also beginning to anticipate — with some anxiety — the organisational autonomy that will be expected of them. Noctor sees this starting at about age 11 or 12 when secondary schools come to pitch their schools to sixth class pupils. “The impending change plays on their mind. They’re hearing about timetables, lockers, different classrooms, and they’re thinking ‘crikey, how am I going to cope with this?’”

Brain flux

Joanna Fortune, psychotherapist and author of 15-Minute Parenting 8-12 Years, says the pre-teen stage is one of significant growth and development across cognitive, social, emotional and physical faculties. “Their brains are in a constant state of flux. This process of intense change can feel confusing for parents,” she says.

Tweens are gradually capable of greater degrees of logic, their pre-frontal cortex is still very immature, she says. “So we see evidence of emerging maturity, self-regulation and capacity for greater responsibility. But it’s mixed with flashes of temper and emotional meltdowns that seemingly come from nowhere. And it is all part of this stage of middle childhood.”

At this age, children start pulling away from parents and family as their hub of social development, and towards peers. “They become very focused on what they think their peers are thinking about them,” says Fortune.

Noctor says parents can struggle with seeing children become less communicative with them. “Tweens need to retreat. They start spending more […]


  • 人們處理憤怒的習慣方式屬於兩種模式之一——外化或內化。
  • 當壓抑憤怒的人將憤怒轉移到自己身上時,他們經常遭受抑鬱、焦慮和軀體化的折磨。
  • When a person represses anger, they may find that many of their other desirable feelings also get numbed out.

Anger is a natural emotion and has to be processed in one way or the other. Normally, people’s habitual way of dealing with anger falls into one of two sets of patterns—externalising it or internalising it.

When these patterns are held in a rigid way or used excessively, there can be detrimental health consequences.

Internalised anger is also known as repressed anger, and it can take different forms. In this article, we will discuss what causes people to repress anger.

When people think of anger, externalised forms of anger often come to mind—someone shouting, hitting something, or acting in an aggressive way. Therefore, many people mistakenly equate anger with aggression. However, being angry does not have to mean someone lashes out.

Externalised anger is not always unhealthy. Healthy expression of anger can help us set boundaries, assert our rights and protect ourselves. People who do not internalise or repress their anger know it when they feel it. Once they have expressed their anger, either through speech or behaviours, the feeling leaves their system. It does not get stuck in the body, remain stuck, or fester. For people who repress their anger, however, the opposite happens.

Repressed Anger and Not Being Able to Get Angry

People who internalise anger hold it within their bodies and psyche. They may direct anger toward themselves and get aggressive toward themselves. They may carry all responsibilities for any conflicts in relationships, blame themselves excessively, and do not assert themselves even when they should. As they divert their anger toward themselves, they often suffer from 沮喪, 焦慮, and somatisation (emotions turning into bodily pain or physical ailments).

The problem is that, although it is 無意識, it takes a lot of energy to suppress and re-divert anger. Therefore, people with repressed anger may find that they rarely feel angry, but experience chronic tiredness.

Another problem is that on the flip side of anger are positive human feelings such as love, excitement, and passion. When a person suppresses anger, they may find many of their other desirable feelings get numbed out too. They find it difficult to get excited or passionate; they may also be disconnected from their own needs and desires.

A young person can also hold repressed anger. When they do, they may have coping mechanisms such as self-harming, selective mutism, or restrictive eating. There is no channel for them to express how they feel, and they could not afford to express anger toward their parents who can’t tolerate it. The only way to cope, therefore, is to blame themselves for feeling angry. When these children grow up, they are more prone to suffering from disorders related to internalisation, such as quiet borderline personality disorder or chronic depression.

Another well-known fact about repressed anger is that it can cause physical strain on our bodies. Holding back anger creates inner tension, which can then cause a wide range of psychosomatic ailments, such as indigestion, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, frequent migraines, and even cancer.

Reasons for Repressed Anger

People do not choose to repress their anger voluntarily. While their innate temperaments play a role (“nature” factors), it is normally the result of a person’s 童年 experiences (“nurture” factors) and social/cultural conditioning. One may have learned to repress their anger because, as a child, they were discouraged, punished, shamed, silenced, or ignored when they tried to express themselves.



Many people experience verbal abuse in their lifetimes. Most often, abuse occurs in romantic relationships, between a parent and a child, or at work. One study has shown that in romantic relationships, 12.1% of women and 17.3% of men experience verbal abuse.1

Verbal abuse against children is highly understudied and underreported, so the prevalence rates of this type of abuse aren’t well known.2 The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that over 1 billion children between the ages of 2 and 17 experienced some type of abuse, verbal included.3

A report by the RAND Corporation, an American research organization, found that as many as 13.1% of men and 12.4% of women experienced verbal abuse regularly at work.4 Read on to find out more about verbal abuse, its effects, and how to spot the signs.

What Is Abuse?

“Abuse” is the term used to describe acts or behaviors that are damaging in nature. They are done to purposely cause physical or emotional harm to a person. When a person suffers from abuse, they are mistreated by someone who is looking to benefit in some way from the abusive behavior. There are many forms of abuse, including physical, sexual, verbal, and emotional.

Are All Forms of Abuse Equal?

While many people who have suffered abuse may believe that one form is less damaging than the other, all forms of abuse are wrong and can lead to detrimental consequences for the person being abused.

Verbal Abuse vs. Emotional Abuse

The terms “verbal abuse” and “emotional abuse” are often used interchangeably to describe the same type of abuse. However, even if the two are similar, there are distinct characteristics of each one.

Verbal Abuse

Speaking aggressively or violently

Emotional Abuse

Using mind games to control a victim’s behaviors, thoughts, or feelings

Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse is a form of mental abuse that is designed to undermine a person and how they feel about themselves. Abusers also use this type of abuse to help maintain a level of control or power over the person being abused.

Verbal abuse occurs in many relationships, both personal and professional.




SEL 被理解為一組相互關聯的認知、情感和行為技能和策略,強調我們如何學習、形成和維持支持性關係;做出善解人意和公平的決定;並在身體和心理上茁壯成長。


幸運的是,國會分配給中小學緊急救濟基金的 $1900 億中的很大一部分必須專門用於“響應學生的學業、社交和情感需求,並解決 COVID-19 對代表性不足的學生的不成比例的影響”。亞組。”因此,根據我們在美國的同事最近的評論,四分之三的州將 SEL 或心理健康列為其 ESSER 資助計劃的重中之重。 國家學習障礙中心.

我們知道 高質量的系統性 SEL 可以幫助學生從社交線索中識別情緒、設定目標、考慮多角度和解決問題。我們也知道 SEL 可以減少欺凌和停學,並改善學業成績和學校氛圍。

但研究尚未確定的是,以學校為基礎的 SEL 計劃如何——甚至是否——為殘疾學生和有色人種學生提供服務,其中包括 受 COVID-19 大流行影響最大的.不幸的是,關於 SEL 對種族和能力邊緣化青年的影響的證據充其量是模糊的,最壞的情況是不存在的,因為我們的研究還不夠深入。這是一個大問題。

老實說,教育研究充斥著對以學校為基礎的干預措施的描述,一旦研究發現這些干預措施不公平地為殘疾學生和/或有色人種學生服務。為了量化這個問題的嚴重程度,團隊在 耶魯情商中心 和教育非營利組織 一起編輯 審查 描述 SEL 干預是否具有包容性和代表性的當前證據。我們最近的發現簡直是毀滅性的。






郭嘉, 助理教授 兒童、青年和家庭研究,正在領導一個試點項目,以探索在嬰兒頭 18 個月內對母親和父親的依戀安全性如何發展——以及這些依戀配置如何預測孩子頭三年的結果。


“雖然我們對媽媽的依戀安全了解很多,但我們對其他照顧者的依戀安全知之甚少,尤其是在家庭環境中,”郭說, 兒童、青年和家庭研究研究附屬機構. “但我們確實知道整個家庭單位對這些關係很重要。”

由一個資助 研究和經濟發展辦公室 外行獎,郭致力於更好地了解孩子及其父母在家中發生的事情。她在內布拉斯加州林肯地區招募了 50 名父母(25 對夫婦)和嬰兒。

每週三個小時,以一小時為單位,父母戴著 GoPro 相機記錄他們與孩子以及他們在家中彼此的互動。


“人們習慣了相機,繼續他們的日常生活,”郭說。 “我們得到了人們疊衣服或做其他家務、玩手機或不改變日常生活的坦率鏡頭——這正是我們想要對 2021 年護理工作進行細緻入微的看法。”


Kuo 進行該項目的動機源於對她之前研究的結果的“純粹好奇”,該研究檢查了對父母一方或雙方的各種嬰兒依戀配置。

“在這些項目中,我們發現對父親而不是母親有安全依戀的嬰兒會導致更多的負面結果——異常的壓力反應、對父母的蔑視、注意力和注意力的能力降低,”她說。 “有人會認為對父母任何一方有任何安全依戀都會很好,但這不是我們發現的。我仍然對此感到困惑,並想了解這種現象。”


對於新項目,郭將與內布拉斯加州的研究人員合作 羅瑞·惠勒,CYFS研究副教授; 傑西卡·卡爾維, 大學研究助理教授 大腦、生物學和行為中心;和 雅克·伊扎德, 副教授, 食品科學與技術系.



大流行對幼兒學習者尤其具有破壞性。明亮充滿活力的教室、遊戲和與同齡人的活動被電腦屏幕取代,作為一種學習模式。這些挑戰需要利用技術並使學習具有吸引力、意義和個性化。許多在 PreK-12 細分市場運營的教育技術公司接受了挑戰,進行了創新並提供了令人興奮的學習選擇,其中包括模擬、動畫、基於視頻的學習和內容的遊戲化。



幼儿期一詞包括從出生到 8 歲的兒童年齡組。這是一個發展和變革的奇妙時期。這些年的特點是兒童身體、認知、語言、感官和社會情感領域的同步和綜合成長。所有這些領域都同樣重要,因為它們在兒童的發展和探索世界的旅程中相互關聯和重疊。

這是一個有趣的事實;你知道三歲以下的孩子的大腦是超級活躍的嗎?它每秒產生近 700 到 1,000 個神經連接!這些神經迴路支持和培養孩子的感覺、運動和認知技能,並控制他們的所有反應。在這段時間裡,大腦發育達到頂峰,並在 3-5 歲之間增長到成人大小的 90%!直到 8 歲,這些能力會迅速增強。




想一想 Ludo、Snakes & Ladders 遊戲或幼兒玩的任何其他遊戲或運動。所有這些的共同因素是參與度、樂趣、目標和獲勝的動力。


學習的遊戲化也被證明 […]