What to Know Anxious Attachment and Tips to Cope

Anxious Attachment and Tips to Cope

Anxious attachment is one of four attachment styles that develop in childhood and continue into adulthood. These attachment styles can be secure (a person feels confident in relationships) or insecure (a person has fear and uncertainty in relationships).

Also known as ambivalent attachment or anxious-preoccupied attachment, anxious attachment can result from an inconsistent relationship with a parent or caregiver.

Adults who are anxiously attached may be considered needy or clingy in their relationships and lack healthy 自尊.1

Through approaches such as therapy, it’s possible to change attachment styles or learn to have healthy relationships despite attachment 焦慮.

What’s Your Attachment Style?

There are four main attachment styles. The following are some of the ways they may manifest in relationships:1

  • Secure attachment: Able to set appropriate boundaries; has trust and feels secure in close relationships; thrives in relationships but does well on their own as well
  • Anxious attachment: Tends to be needy, anxious, and uncertain, and lacks self-esteem; wants to be in relationships but worries that other people don’t enjoy being with them
  • Avoidant-dismissive attachment: Avoids closeness and relationships, seeking independence instead; doesn’t want to rely on others or have others rely on them
  • Disorganized attachment: Fearful; feel they don’t deserve love

History of Attachment Theory

British psychiatrist John Bowlby developed the foundations of attachment theory from 1969 to 1982.2

Attachment theory suggests that early life experiences, particularly how safe and secure you felt as a young child, determine your attachment style as an adult. These events shape your ability to develop trust, boundaries, self-esteem, feelings of security, and other factors at play in relationships.3

Developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth built upon Bowlby’s theory with her “strange situation” test to determine the nature and styles of attachment behavior. The assessment consists of a mother leaving her infant alone with a stranger for a few minutes. The infant’s response is observed and coded when they’re reunited with their mother.2

Exploration of adult attachment began in the mid-1980s by researchers such as Mary Main, Phil Shaver, and Mario Mikulincer.

Attachment theory’s principles are currently supported by hundreds of studies on bonding between child and parent and between adult partners.4

How Closely Linked Are Childhood and Adult Attachment Styles?

While it’s generally accepted that early attachment experiences influence attachment style in adult romantic relationships, the degree to which they are related is less clear-cut. Studies vary in their findings on the source and degree of overlap between the two.5

Characteristics of Anxious Attachment

Anxious attachment is an insecure attachment. Insecure attachment can take one of three forms: ambivalent, avoidant, or disorganized.1

It’s believed that anxious attachment in childhood is a result of inconsistent caregiving. More specifically, the children are loved but their needs are met unpredictably. A parent or primary caregiver may respond immediately and attentively to a child sometimes but not at other times.6

This inconsistency can be a result of factors such as parental substance use, 沮喪, 壓力, anxiety, and fatigue.

Children raised without consistency can view attention as valuable but unreliable. This prompts anxiety and can cause a child to perform attention-seeking behaviors, both positive and negative.

Adults with anxious attachment often need constant reassurance in relationships, which can come off as being needy or clingy.1

One study showed that anxious attachment can affect trust in a relationship. Further, those who are anxiously attached are more likely to become jealous, snoop through a partner’s belongings, and even become psychologically abusive when they feel distrust.7

Recognizing the Signs in Yourself

Some indications that you might be experiencing anxious attachment include:

  • Worrying a lot about being rejected or being abandoned by your partner
  • Frequently trying to please and gain approval from your partner
  • Fearing infidelity and abandonment
  • Wanting closeness and intimacy in a relationship, but worrying if you can trust or rely on your partner1
  • Overly fixating on the relationship and your partner to the point it consumes much of your life
  • Constantly needing attention and reassurance (can be viewed as needy or clingy)
  • Having difficulty setting and respecting boundaries
  • Feeling threatened, panicked, angry, jealous, or worried your partner no longer wants you when you spend time apart or don’t hear from your partner during what most would consider a reasonable amount of time; may use manipulation to get your partner to stay close to you
  • Tying self-worth in with relationships
  • Overreacting to things you see as a threat to the relationship

Recognizing the Signs in Someone Else

A partner who is anxiously attached may exhibit similar behaviors as those listed above, but you can’t know for sure how they are feeling unless they tell you.

Signs of Anxious Attachment in a Partner

  • Regularly seeks your attention, approval, and reassurance
  • Wants to be around you and in touch with you as much as possible
  • Worries you will cheat on them or leave them
  • Feels threatened, jealous, or angry and overreacts when they feel something is threatening the relationship

Strategies for Coping

While anxious attachment can be challenging in a relationship, having a loving, healthy relationship is possible. There are ways to address and get beyond attachment problems in your relationship, including:8

Short Term

  • 研究: Learn about attachment styles, which ones best apply to you and, if applicable, your partner.
  • Keep a journal: Keep track of your thoughts and feelings in a journal. This is a helpful exercise for getting out your emotions, and it may help you recognize some patterns in your thoughts and behaviors. It may be worthwhile to bring your journal to therapy sessions where you can unpack its contents with your mental health professional.
  • Choose a partner who has a secure attachment: The chances of success in a relationship for someone with anxious attachment are higher if they are paired with someone who is securely attached.
  • Practice mindfulness: Regularly engaging in mindfulness exercises can help you learn to manage your emotions and your anxiety.


最著名的之一 聖誕節的傳統與您所愛的人分享禮物. For that reason, Christmas is one of the holidays most favored by children, who are often treated to several toys and other gifts on the day.

Toy sales in the 美國在 2020 年飆升,數百萬家庭因 COVID-19 大流行而留在家中。

According to a February 2021 statement from the Toy Association: “One silver lining of the pandemic is that it has helped families rediscover the joys of spending time together and find value in bringing play into their daily lives.”

The association projected that this year families would be “seeking new toys that promote togetherness, as well as inclusive playthings that can be enjoyed by kids of varying abilities and interests,” the statement said.

But can these toys and other gifts become dangerous for a child’s health?

Can Too Many Gifts Be Damaging for Your Child?

There are different factors to be aware of when it comes to giving your children gifts during the holidays.

While it is possible that lavishing your child with Christmas gifts can become detrimental, it isn’t likely to “supersede parenting practices that promote resilience,” Dr. David Palmiter, a board certified clinical psychologist, told 新聞周刊。

Similar to playing video games, spoiling your child is, of course, unhealthy “but not nearly as damning as some might have imagined, especially if other things are going well in the family,” Palmiter explained.

The psychologist said the word “spoiled” can be seen as the opposite of the word “disciplined,” which in America, “appears to have become conflated with butt-kicking—it isn’t,” he said.

The etymology of the word “disciplined” is “to teach” and Palmiter believes that a foundational teaching, “when it comes to the bullseye of the discipline dart board,” is training your children to do things when they don’t feel like it.

“That particular psychological muscle, when well-developed, goes a long way to helping adults to reach their personal and professional goals. At birth, infants are incapable of discipline.

“We hope, as parents, that our child is well capable of it [discipline] by the time they leave home. And, if they are not, they are at high odds to boomerang back home. In this arena, the number of presents a kid receives is unlikely to be a major player,” Palmiter explained.

How Many Christmas Gifts Should Parents Give Their Kids?

The short answer? There is no prescriptive formula and parents cannot be told what’s considered an appropriate amount of Christmas gifts for their own child.

Speaking to Newsweek, David S. DeLugas, the executive director and general counsel of the National Association of Parents (ParentsUSA), said it’s up to the parents to decide “the number of gifts, the extravagance (or lack thereof) of the gifts or the appropriateness of their gifts…so long as the gifts do not cause long-term emotional harm or physical harm.

“We certainly hope parents use their specific knowledge of their child or children to avoid hurting their children by gift giving,” DeLugas said.

Palmiter said: “I don’t believe our science can tell us X number of gifts is adaptive and Y number is problematic,” explaining that “one-on-one time with a parent is much more desirable to most young children than the latest and hottest toy or gadget.”

The magic of the holidays can be captured without spending significant amounts of money, the psychologist said, and advises against stretching your economic resources for presents.

“When parents do this, I’ve found, it’s in service of trying to create a magical experience for their children. But, executed creativity does this much, much better than spent cash,” he said.



For any parent with ADHD, raising children, managing a household, and maintaining emotional health is a Hurclean task. ADHD impacts nearly every facet of parenting, so caregivers with the condition need distinct tools and resources to manage their symptoms and effectively meet their kids’ needs through every developmental phase. Here they are.

Parenting is hard. It’s rewarding, yes. But also difficult, demanding, and draining. When caregivers have ADHD, the challenges of parenting seem to multiply in number and intensity. ADHD symptoms like inattention, impulsivity, and emotional dysregulation inevitably impact the daily rhythms and responsibilities of parenting, not to mention the relationships we forge with our children as they grow.

From diapers to driver licenses, here’s advice for parents with ADHD on simultaneously managing their symptoms while raising happy, healthy, well-adjusted children.

How ADHD Impacts Parenting Skills

Parenting requires the daily, dependable execution of non-novel, repetitive tasks, a combination that’s kryptonite for adults with core ADHD deficits including fluctuating attention and poor working memory. More broadly, ADHD impacts these core facets of parenting:

  • Emotional availability: When children are experiencing big feelings or challenging situations, they look for guidance and protection from their parents. But with ADHD and its own 情緒失調, it’s tough to be consistently present and focused to support a child’s emotions.
  • Relationship-building: The parent-child bond is the nexus of any healthy family dynamic. But many parents with ADHD struggle to stay engaged and interested while spending time with their child, especially if CandyLand is involved.
  • Planning ahead for problematic situations: Parents are continuously making time and space to reflect on what’s been challenging for their family, and how they can alter plans, procedures, and schedules for future success. But caregivers with ADHD often lack the executive function skills to do this high-level analysis, planning, and execution. Impulse control deficits may also cause parents to lash out and complicate already-challenging situations.
  • Organizing supplies and schedules: Managing family logistics and routines requires unwavering organizational skills, a known difficulty with ADHD.
  • Keeping children safe: Parents need the attentional capacity to monitor their children, whether toddlers or teenagers, without distraction.
  • Shaping positive behavior: 正強化 helps establish good behavior, but it requires parents to “catch” and praise their children quickly and with meaningful details.
  • Staying regulated in challenging situations: Emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and intense emotions are part of the ADHD experience, which makes “calm” elusive in many ADHD households. Managing stress is also an issue for many parents with ADHD.
  • Setting boundaries and giving consistent consequences.

Parenting with ADHD: Tailored Approaches for Spirited Families

The charts below highlight critical areas in each of the four childhood developmental stages, plus strategies for caregivers with 多動症 to employ for each.

ADHD Parenting Skills: Elementary School (Ages 6 to 10)

Forming relationships: Children start to form bonds independently and engage in parallel play. Reflective modeling: Children adopt the social skills they see at home — from their parents and siblings or on the TV. Model appropriate interactions for your child, and be mindful of what they’re watching.
Developing interests and hobbies: Children practice and start to demonstrate skill in certain activities. Create opportunities for practice. Think: How can I give my child whatever materials they need to independently practice?
Complex schedules: More activities require more planning and materials. Externalize information. It’s common for individuals with ADHD to forget verbal instructions. Use whiteboards, sticky notes, digital calendars, and other visual organizing tools to keep track of schedules and to-dos.
Academic responsibility: Homework, tests, projects, and elevated expectations place extra demand on organizational skills. Set up “help times;” To manage frustration and frequent interruptions, establish certain times when your child can check in with you. First, make sure that they have a clear workspace free of distractions. (No screens, all supplies in one place, etc.)
Social life: Play dates and parties are still facilitated by parents, which requires clear communication and planning. Set reminders: Schedule a time every week to verify and prepare for upcoming plans. Create multiple countdown reminders until the day of the event.





青年隊——雖然在從費用到腦震盪方案的方方面面都受到批評——但對許多家庭來說很容易推銷,因為他們以一種普遍有趣且相對容易獲得的方式提供生活課程、鍛煉和個人成長。 “運動對社交和情感發展非常有益,尤其是在幼年時期,”全國兒童醫院兒科心理學臨床主任 Catherine Butz 博士說。

北哥倫布體育聯盟壘球專員兼董事會成員蒂姆·奧利裡 (Tim O'Leary) 對此表示贊同。 “[青少年體育學生] 學習努力是有回報的和紀律意識。他們體驗團隊合作。他們建立了終生的關係,並學習如何處理生活中的起起落落,或輸贏,”奧利裡說,他也是壘球教練和家長。



Westerville 的父母和老師 Libby Schlagbaum 從小就打壘球、排球、籃球和跑道。 “我喜歡運動。那是我結交朋友的地方,我相信我仍然擁有健康、積極的生活方式,因為我參加了運動,”她說。

可以理解的是,她希望她的四個孩子也能有同樣充實和成長的經歷。只有一個障礙:缺乏興趣。 “當我們三個最大的孩子 4 歲時,我們就讓他們參加了一個休閒足球聯賽。他們一開始都不是很熱情。我所有的孩子都很害羞,所以這是一個平衡:'這將幫助你結識人',但他們也不想因為他們害羞,“Schlagbaum 說。


第二大的孩子離開了 […]





如果您的孩子不會說話,並且迴避眼神接觸和触摸,但只聽過一次就可以彈奏鋼琴協奏曲,那麼很容易發現同時存在的 自閉症 和天賦。





  • 學得更快更輕鬆
  • 很快就會厭倦
  • 更強烈地感受情緒和身體感覺
  • 更敏銳地記住事情
  • 隨著複雜性的增加進行思考和推理
  • 需要挑戰、改變和新奇
  • 經歷社會孤立
  • 脫離社會規範

被認為有天賦或具有更高智力的智商水平是 130 或更高.這在人口的前 2% 之內。

智商不是用於評估認知水平的唯一因素,因為智商測試只能衡量您在測試時的功能。如果你生病或被 壓力 或令人不安的想法,你可能不會得分。







  • 高成就者成熟後發展均勻,而天才兒童則發展不平衡,有些能力遠遠超過其他人。
  • 有天賦的人比高成就者更敏感,更情緒化。
  • 高成就者可能比有天賦的人更外向,後者更有可能 內向的人.

一些學校天才項目的入學標準是成績而不是智力測試。許多還包括比頂部 2% 更大的部分。這意味著這些課程中的一些學生可能是沒有天賦的高成就者。

在美國, 59 分之 1 孩子是自閉症。關於 70% 的自閉症患者有智力障礙,這意味著他們的智商低於 70。其餘 30% 的智力範圍從平均到天才。


教孩子注意力和注意力的 10 個有證據支持的技巧

教孩子注意力和注意力的 10 個有證據支持的技巧


著名教授阿黛爾·戴蒙德 (Adele Diamond) 的研究重點是自我調節,她認為應該教孩子們:

1. 培養自控力,即,他們應該學會做適當的事情而不是他們想做的事情。

2. 開發工作記憶,即,應該幫助他們在記憶中保留信息,同時在心理上吸收新信息。

3. 培養認知靈活性,也就是說,他們應該學會跳出框框思考。




隨著年齡的增長和發展,兒童的注意力往往會提高 自控能力.也就是說,有些孩子更難以集中註意力和抵制分心。兒童注意力不集中的問題在於,這會影響他們的學習和日常生活。



1) 焦慮可能是您的孩子無法集中註意力的原因