What to Know Anxious Attachment and Tips to Cope

Anxious Attachment and Tips to Cope

Anxious attachment is one of four attachment styles that develop in childhood and continue into adulthood. These attachment styles can be secure (a person feels confident in relationships) or insecure (a person has fear and uncertainty in relationships).

Also known as ambivalent attachment or anxious-preoccupied attachment, anxious attachment can result from an inconsistent relationship with a parent or caregiver.

Adults who are anxiously attached may be considered needy or clingy in their relationships and lack healthy 自尊.1

Through approaches such as therapy, it’s possible to change attachment styles or learn to have healthy relationships despite attachment 焦慮.

What’s Your Attachment Style?

There are four main attachment styles. The following are some of the ways they may manifest in relationships:1

  • Secure attachment: Able to set appropriate boundaries; has trust and feels secure in close relationships; thrives in relationships but does well on their own as well
  • Anxious attachment: Tends to be needy, anxious, and uncertain, and lacks self-esteem; wants to be in relationships but worries that other people don’t enjoy being with them
  • Avoidant-dismissive attachment: Avoids closeness and relationships, seeking independence instead; doesn’t want to rely on others or have others rely on them
  • Disorganized attachment: Fearful; feel they don’t deserve love

History of Attachment Theory

British psychiatrist John Bowlby developed the foundations of attachment theory from 1969 to 1982.2

Attachment theory suggests that early life experiences, particularly how safe and secure you felt as a young child, determine your attachment style as an adult. These events shape your ability to develop trust, boundaries, self-esteem, feelings of security, and other factors at play in relationships.3

Developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth built upon Bowlby’s theory with her “strange situation” test to determine the nature and styles of attachment behavior. The assessment consists of a mother leaving her infant alone with a stranger for a few minutes. The infant’s response is observed and coded when they’re reunited with their mother.2

Exploration of adult attachment began in the mid-1980s by researchers such as Mary Main, Phil Shaver, and Mario Mikulincer.

Attachment theory’s principles are currently supported by hundreds of studies on bonding between child and parent and between adult partners.4

How Closely Linked Are Childhood and Adult Attachment Styles?

While it’s generally accepted that early attachment experiences influence attachment style in adult romantic relationships, the degree to which they are related is less clear-cut. Studies vary in their findings on the source and degree of overlap between the two.5

Characteristics of Anxious Attachment

Anxious attachment is an insecure attachment. Insecure attachment can take one of three forms: ambivalent, avoidant, or disorganized.1

It’s believed that anxious attachment in childhood is a result of inconsistent caregiving. More specifically, the children are loved but their needs are met unpredictably. A parent or primary caregiver may respond immediately and attentively to a child sometimes but not at other times.6

This inconsistency can be a result of factors such as parental substance use, 沮喪, 壓力, anxiety, and fatigue.

Children raised without consistency can view attention as valuable but unreliable. This prompts anxiety and can cause a child to perform attention-seeking behaviors, both positive and negative.

Adults with anxious attachment often need constant reassurance in relationships, which can come off as being needy or clingy.1

One study showed that anxious attachment can affect trust in a relationship. Further, those who are anxiously attached are more likely to become jealous, snoop through a partner’s belongings, and even become psychologically abusive when they feel distrust.7

Recognizing the Signs in Yourself

Some indications that you might be experiencing anxious attachment include:

  • Worrying a lot about being rejected or being abandoned by your partner
  • Frequently trying to please and gain approval from your partner
  • Fearing infidelity and abandonment
  • Wanting closeness and intimacy in a relationship, but worrying if you can trust or rely on your partner1
  • Overly fixating on the relationship and your partner to the point it consumes much of your life
  • Constantly needing attention and reassurance (can be viewed as needy or clingy)
  • Having difficulty setting and respecting boundaries
  • Feeling threatened, panicked, angry, jealous, or worried your partner no longer wants you when you spend time apart or don’t hear from your partner during what most would consider a reasonable amount of time; may use manipulation to get your partner to stay close to you
  • Tying self-worth in with relationships
  • Overreacting to things you see as a threat to the relationship

Recognizing the Signs in Someone Else

A partner who is anxiously attached may exhibit similar behaviors as those listed above, but you can’t know for sure how they are feeling unless they tell you.

Signs of Anxious Attachment in a Partner

  • Regularly seeks your attention, approval, and reassurance
  • Wants to be around you and in touch with you as much as possible
  • Worries you will cheat on them or leave them
  • Feels threatened, jealous, or angry and overreacts when they feel something is threatening the relationship

Strategies for Coping

While anxious attachment can be challenging in a relationship, having a loving, healthy relationship is possible. There are ways to address and get beyond attachment problems in your relationship, including:8

Short Term

  • 研究: Learn about attachment styles, which ones best apply to you and, if applicable, your partner.
  • Keep a journal: Keep track of your thoughts and feelings in a journal. This is a helpful exercise for getting out your emotions, and it may help you recognize some patterns in your thoughts and behaviors. It may be worthwhile to bring your journal to therapy sessions where you can unpack its contents with your mental health professional.
  • Choose a partner who has a secure attachment: The chances of success in a relationship for someone with anxious attachment are higher if they are paired with someone who is securely attached.
  • Practice mindfulness: Regularly engaging in mindfulness exercises can help you learn to manage your emotions and your anxiety.
What is Emotional Dysregulation?

What is Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation refers to difficulty in managing emotions or in keeping them in check. These may also be thought of as mood swings or labile moods. It can involve experiencing intense emotions such as sadness, irritability, frustration, or anger that are comparatively more heightened than expected, relative to the situation that triggered them.

What is emotional dysregulation?

Emotion dysregulation involves difficulties with negative affective states e.g., sadness and anger.

Emotional dysregulation might affect children or adults. Adolescents may be particularly at risk due to this developmental period in a person’s life being recognizably a time of increased stress due to puberty and peer context. Although it is a common perception that children learn to manage their emotions as they grow up, for some effectively managing emotions continues to be problematic well into adulthood.

Those with emotional dysregulation might not easily recognize their own emotions and can become confused or guilty about emotions experienced such that behavior is not readily controlled and decision making becomes a challenge.

Experiencing intense emotions can lead to situations in which a sufferer is unable to calm down easily. People with emotional dysregulation might try to avoid difficult emotions and when experiencing them they can easily become impulsive. Another example is that those with emotional dysregulation might be overly negative. As a result, there is a risk for:

  • 焦慮
  • 沮喪
  • Substance abuse
  • Suicidal thoughts
  • 自殘

Other symptoms include high-risk sexual behaviors, extreme perfectionism, and eating disorders.

In children emotional dysregulation exhibits itself through temper tantrums, crying, and refusing to talk or to make eye contact.

Over time the condition may interfere with the quality of life leading to interpersonal problems, issues at home and work, or, in the case of children, at school.

Causes of emotional dysregulation

Scientists believe that in the experience of emotional dysregulation there is a problem with the emotional braking mechanism in the brain caused by a reduction in the response of certain neurotransmitters. This leads an individual to experience an ongoing “fight or flight” response whereby the pre-frontal cortex shuts down in times of heightened stress.

There a several possible reasons why a person may develop this condition and it is often co-morbid with another larger mental health problem (see below). Possible causes are:

1. Child neglect

In the case of neglect, there is a failure on the part of the caregiver to cater to the basic needs of the child. Here the caregiver does not provide adequate levels of physical and or emotional care.

2. Early childhood trauma

Whereby traumatic events are experienced early on in life during the critical period of a child’s development.

3. Traumatic brain injury

Brain dysfunction is caused by a dramatic blow to the head, for example.

4. Chronic invalidation

When a person’s thoughts and feelings are repeatedly ignored, rejected, or else judged.

Teach children how to be responsible for their own learning to gain agency

Teach children how to be responsible for their own learning to gain agency

One cannot fail to notice that concerns about mental health and wellbeing are increasingly figuring in all news media, especially in relation to young people. This raises questions as to whether this is primarily a product of our rapidly changing, volatile and unpredictable times, or a lack of parenting and schooling practices that fail to develop strong volition, perseverance and the capability to deal with life’s inevitable challenges. Challenges, albeit in different forms, have always been part of human history. For example, bullying was ever-present in yesteryear, but we hear more about it nowadays, especially in relation to the online environment. Similarly, poverty and discrimination of various kinds are not new existential phenomena, they have always been part of human interactions – or the lack of them.

Certainly, statistics paint a disturbing picture, with one in eight children and adolescents in the UK experiencing a mental illness (NHS, 2018). The high prevalence of depression and anxiety in young people is often said to be a result of the lack of resilience among them. Similarly, Loretta Breuning, in her article Why I Don’t Believe Reports of a Mental Health Crisis (2014) argues that the escalating emotional distress experienced by millennials is, in part, due to over-reliance on mental-health services, which aim to alleviate natural emotional responses. She maintains that by depending on mental-health services individuals do not learn how to manage life’s disappointments themselves, and consequently often lack self-reliance.

Invariably, aspects of all the above scenarios will apply to some individuals, certainly not all, and generalisations can be dangerous. In this article, I will focus on what can be done to help students to self-regulate their learning and maintain a positive sense of wellbeing. Also, to identify environments and experiences that have negative effects, and how best to mitigate the consequences.

In the final analysis people, young and old, irrespective of culture or context, have to make choices and take action on how they respond to the demands that the external environment may throw at them – whether caused by their prior actions, the actions of others, or serendipity. Furthermore, they must fully realise that their ability to effectively manage internal perceptions and emotional states is a crucial part of self-regulation and maintaining wellbeing.

We know from extensive research that a whole host of physical, social and emotional experiences have massive implications for brain development, physical and mental wellbeing. For example, Swaab (2015) summarising the evidence, highlights: Children who are seriously neglected during their early development… have smaller brains; their intelligence and linguistic and fine motor control are permanently impaired, and they are impulsive and […]

共病 ADHD 使大多數診斷和治療計劃複雜化

共病 ADHD 使大多數診斷和治療計劃複雜化

準確的 ADHD 評估必須篩查的不僅僅是 ADHD。儘管 60% 的多動症患者有一些共存的精神疾病1, 合併症很少納入評估——導致不完整的診斷。您患有多動症,但您還有什麼可能呢?或者,不,您沒有多動症,而是其他一些可以解釋導致您尋求幫助的症狀的病症。

這就是為什麼 清單評估,雖然有用的篩選工具,但本身是不夠的。您需要坐下來與人交談並講述您的故事。在醫學術語中,這稱為分享您的病史,您的病史是所有醫學中最具啟發性和最有用的測試。雖然大多數心理健康專業人員不進行體檢,但“病史和身體狀況”仍然是醫學評估的基石。

無論您是否還沒有經歷過 多動症評估,或者您已經被診斷出患有多動症,請務必詢問您的醫生您是否有以下任何情況 合併症 常見於多動症:



大約 30% 到 50% 的多動症患者有 學習障礙 (LD) 2 3.這些包括大多數“疾病緩解”。

  • 閱讀障礙. 閱讀障礙是最常見的學習障礙,使您學習閱讀和拼寫母語的速度變慢。我同時患有多動症和閱讀障礙症,它們的表現可能會大不相同,並且會隨著時間的推移而發生變化。例如,我在大學時主修英語,現在以文字為生,儘管直到今天我還是一個非常緩慢的閱讀者。
  • 計算障礙 有時被稱為“數學閱讀障礙”。有計算障礙的人在數學事實、計數、計算和單詞問題上都有困難。但是,正如閱讀困難的人可能會被證明是有語言天賦一樣,有計算障礙的孩子可能會成長為有天賦的數學家。
  • 書寫困難 包括手寫困難、握筆或鉛筆的笨拙方式、書寫單詞或字母的間距困難、經常需要擦除以及書寫時笨拙的身體姿勢。
  • 運動障礙,或發育性協調障礙 (DCD),表示笨拙、缺乏協調、容易掉落或灑落東西、動作笨拙。 DCD 通常會在童年和青春期導致嚴重的自信心和自尊問題,因為運動能力和身體流動性在同齡人中受到高度重視。
  • 閱讀障礙. 閱讀障礙是最常見的學習障礙,使您學習閱讀和拼寫母語的速度變慢。我同時患有多動症和閱讀障礙症,它們的表現可能會大不相同,並且會隨著時間的推移而發生變化。例如,我在大學時主修英語,現在以文字為生,儘管直到今天我還是一個非常緩慢的閱讀者。
  • 計算障礙 有時被稱為“數學閱讀障礙”。有計算障礙的人在數學事實、計數、計算和單詞問題上都有困難。但是,正如閱讀困難的人可能會被證明是有語言天賦一樣,有計算障礙的孩子可能會成長為有天賦的數學家。
  • 書寫困難 包括手寫困難、握筆或鉛筆的笨拙方式、書寫單詞或字母的間距困難、經常需要擦除以及書寫時笨拙的身體姿勢。
  • 運動障礙,或發育性協調障礙 (DCD),表示笨拙、缺乏協調、容易掉落或灑落東西、動作笨拙。 DCD 通常會在童年和青春期導致嚴重的自信心和自尊問題,因為運動能力和身體流動性在同齡人中受到高度重視。

所有這些 LD 的治療包括專門的輔導(如 Orton-Gillingham、Wilson 或 Lindamood-Bell 治療閱讀障礙)或輔導;職業治療;和輔導,以幫助解決隨之而來的情緒問題。

2. 行為或品行問題

這些的診斷術語包括 對立違抗性障礙 (奇怪的); 品行障礙 (光盤);和反社會人格障礙(ASPD)。如果沒有乾預,孩子可能會隨著年齡的增長從 ODD 轉變為 CD 再到 ASPD(儘管這些情況在男性中更為常見)。儘早獲得幫助至關重要,治療最好由提供者團隊進行。

3. 焦慮症

有時 焦慮 在未經治療後發生 多動症.一旦一個人服用興奮劑藥物並獲得注意力和控制力,焦慮就會減弱。

然而,有時個體患有獨立性焦慮症,需要結合教育、諮詢、認知行為療法進行治療。CBT)、體育鍛煉、積極的人際關係,也許還有藥物治療,例如 SSRI 或抗焦慮藥。

4. 情緒問題

  • 沮喪. 再一次,在未經治療的多動症之後可能會出現抑鬱症。如果這個人反應良好 多動症藥物,性能提高,“抑鬱”消失。然而,有時一個人也會患有原發性(而非繼發性)抑鬱症,這需要自己治療。
  • 心境惡劣。 心境惡劣的悲傷和低落情緒不如抑鬱症嚴重,但持續時間更長。
  • 終生情緒低落。 從歷史上看,對此有很多術語,但一個常見的臨床觀察是,一些患有多動症的人與情緒低落和情緒失調作鬥爭。
  • 躁鬱症 (BD)。 多達 13 名 ADHD 患者中就有 1 人患有 合併BD,多達六分之一的 BD 患者患有 ADHD4 .

5. 物質使用障礙

南德 多動症很常見,行為成癮或強迫症也很常見。不要讓 恥辱 阻止您與您的醫生談論它們。除了意志力和白指關節之外,還有其他治療方法。


Humans are in a constant need to regulate how they feel to successfully navigate the challenges of everyday life. Emotion regulation, from managing feelings in a long line at the grocery store to those needed for work and in relationships is a key to successful adulthood. Emotion regulation is particularly challenging for toddlers, who experience frequent emotional outbursts. To date, there is limited research about how toddlers learn to apply specific emotion regulation strategies and how this differs between children. A new study published in Child Development by researchers at Ruhr University Bochum in Germany investigates the relationship between toddlers’ temperament, their use of distraction as a strategy for regulating their emotions and learning through observing adults’ behaviors.

“Toddlers increased their use of distraction as a mechanism to calm themselves in stressful situations after they had watched others calm themselves in the same way,” said Johanna Schoppmann, doctoral candidate and researcher at Ruhr University Bochum. “The findings also demonstrated that toddlers can learn how to regulate their emotions by observing strangers, not just parents or other family members. These results show a need for further research on the role of the wider social context for the development of emotional regulation beyond the parent-child relationship.”

The researchers recruited participants via public birth registers in Bochum, Germany. The sample included 94 24-month-old German toddlers (50% were female). Sixty-one per cent of mothers and 67% of fathers had a university degree. Eighty-two per cent of toddlers had parents whose native language was German. Data collection took place between March 2018 and January 2020.

Toddlers were randomly assigned to two of three conditions: two experimental and one control. Initially, all toddlers freely played with their parents, then were placed in two “waiting situations” in which they waited for something they wanted such as a wrapped gift or a snack. The waiting situations were designed to elicit negative affect, specifically frustration.

Between the two waiting situations, toddlers in the experimental conditions watched the experimenter play with toys while she apparently had to wait for something. That is, the experimenter modelled how she distracted herself when dealing with the wait. Initially, the experimenter told the child she wanted to play with a toy under a blanket but explained that she had to wait until a lamp in the room turned green. In one experimental condition, 37 toddlers then watched the experimenter actively play with a push-along animal and heard her state how much better she felt while playing. In the other experimental condition, 37 toddlers watched an experimenter model calm behavior while playing and waiting for the toy she wanted. In the control condition, 22 toddlers participated in an imitation game unrelated to emotion regulation between the two waiting […]



For any parent with ADHD, raising children, managing a household, and maintaining emotional health is a Hurclean task. ADHD impacts nearly every facet of parenting, so caregivers with the condition need distinct tools and resources to manage their symptoms and effectively meet their kids’ needs through every developmental phase. Here they are.

Parenting is hard. It’s rewarding, yes. But also difficult, demanding, and draining. When caregivers have ADHD, the challenges of parenting seem to multiply in number and intensity. ADHD symptoms like inattention, impulsivity, and emotional dysregulation inevitably impact the daily rhythms and responsibilities of parenting, not to mention the relationships we forge with our children as they grow.

From diapers to driver licenses, here’s advice for parents with ADHD on simultaneously managing their symptoms while raising happy, healthy, well-adjusted children.

How ADHD Impacts Parenting Skills

Parenting requires the daily, dependable execution of non-novel, repetitive tasks, a combination that’s kryptonite for adults with core ADHD deficits including fluctuating attention and poor working memory. More broadly, ADHD impacts these core facets of parenting:

  • Emotional availability: When children are experiencing big feelings or challenging situations, they look for guidance and protection from their parents. But with ADHD and its own 情緒失調, it’s tough to be consistently present and focused to support a child’s emotions.
  • Relationship-building: The parent-child bond is the nexus of any healthy family dynamic. But many parents with ADHD struggle to stay engaged and interested while spending time with their child, especially if CandyLand is involved.
  • Planning ahead for problematic situations: Parents are continuously making time and space to reflect on what’s been challenging for their family, and how they can alter plans, procedures, and schedules for future success. But caregivers with ADHD often lack the executive function skills to do this high-level analysis, planning, and execution. Impulse control deficits may also cause parents to lash out and complicate already-challenging situations.
  • Organizing supplies and schedules: Managing family logistics and routines requires unwavering organizational skills, a known difficulty with ADHD.
  • Keeping children safe: Parents need the attentional capacity to monitor their children, whether toddlers or teenagers, without distraction.
  • Shaping positive behavior: 正強化 helps establish good behavior, but it requires parents to “catch” and praise their children quickly and with meaningful details.
  • Staying regulated in challenging situations: Emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and intense emotions are part of the ADHD experience, which makes “calm” elusive in many ADHD households. Managing stress is also an issue for many parents with ADHD.
  • Setting boundaries and giving consistent consequences.

Parenting with ADHD: Tailored Approaches for Spirited Families

The charts below highlight critical areas in each of the four childhood developmental stages, plus strategies for caregivers with 多動症 to employ for each.

ADHD Parenting Skills: Elementary School (Ages 6 to 10)

Forming relationships: Children start to form bonds independently and engage in parallel play. Reflective modeling: Children adopt the social skills they see at home — from their parents and siblings or on the TV. Model appropriate interactions for your child, and be mindful of what they’re watching.
Developing interests and hobbies: Children practice and start to demonstrate skill in certain activities. Create opportunities for practice. Think: How can I give my child whatever materials they need to independently practice?
Complex schedules: More activities require more planning and materials. Externalize information. It’s common for individuals with ADHD to forget verbal instructions. Use whiteboards, sticky notes, digital calendars, and other visual organizing tools to keep track of schedules and to-dos.
Academic responsibility: Homework, tests, projects, and elevated expectations place extra demand on organizational skills. Set up “help times;” To manage frustration and frequent interruptions, establish certain times when your child can check in with you. First, make sure that they have a clear workspace free of distractions. (No screens, all supplies in one place, etc.)
Social life: Play dates and parties are still facilitated by parents, which requires clear communication and planning. Set reminders: Schedule a time every week to verify and prepare for upcoming plans. Create multiple countdown reminders until the day of the event.