Parents have to ensure that they do not let society’s misconceptions make them feel guilty. DR RADICA MAHASE
“I blamed myself for my child’s disability. I felt that as his mother, I must have done something wrong when I was pregnant with him. Maybe I ate too much junk food? Maybe I didn’t take the right vitamins or should have taken more vitamins? Maybe I did something wrong in the first year of his life?
“I mean, he was my first child, I didn’t know anything about taking care of a child, supposed I hit his head, or didn’t breastfeed him enough?
“My son is now five years old and the guilt I felt when we found out he had developmental issues is now gone. After years of reading up on my son’s disability and sessions of counselling, I am finally in the place where I accept my son fully and I don’t blame myself anymore. Instead, I just focus on him and helping him with his daily challenges.”
Natalie, the mom above, is just one of many parents who blame themselves for their children’s disabilities. Many parents feel a deep sense of guilt when their children experience developmental delays and often it takes some time to process feelings of guilt. Many parents blame themselves for their child’s disability. Why do parents blame themselves? For many, both mothers and fathers, a child with a disability is just not what they imagine their child would be or what they imagine parenthood would be.
Added to this is the fact that society in general places emphasis on the high achievers and there is the common misconception that children with disabilities will not be high achievers. The general perception, propagated by media, the education system, etc, is that children who are not high achievers are “less,” or are a “disappointment” and not as capable as contributing to society.
Sadly, as a society we always looking to place blame on someone or something – it is a dominant part of our social behaviour. Thus, parents of children with disabilities are made to feel they have brought “a lesser child” into this world.
One parent, Nigel, said, “When my son was born, I had a hard time accepting him. I felt like it was my fault, that maybe I passed on ‘bad’ genes to him.
“My neighbour organised counselling for me at the church nearby and I went and I regretted it. The pastor told me that I didn’t pray enough and that my child is paying for my sins. He said that the only way to ‘cure my child’ was to come to church regularly, make regular monetary contributions and let the pastor pray for her. He said that I had […]